True hoarding is a serious problem. It's gotten a lot of attention lately, with Oprah shows on the subject. (For more information, see Children of Compulsive Hoarders, The National Study Group of Chronic Disorganization, Helping Hoarders, and the book Buried in Treasures.)
But I just now read a query from someone asking for help with the opposite problem. "I am a purger. How do I stop throwing away so many things and start collecting?"
The questioner goes on to explain: "For example, I read a lot. I'd like to have a book collection so I can reference previously-read books, show people who visit my house what I'm interested in, etc. Despite reading hundreds of books in my lifetime, my current collection is a mere ten books... and even those are in danger! I'm sorely tempted to sell them for cash/trade value. They're just sitting around! It bugs me. It feels wasteful, and it takes a tremendous amount of discipline to not get rid of them."
And Florence King writes that "Articles about OCD fill me with hungry glee because I have the opposite neurosis: obsessive-compulsive spartanism (OCS)." Update on Nov. 13, 2017: I can't find the Florence King article any more.
[photo by ja_macd / Jenn]
Note: I'm in Florida visiting family; my postings for the next week will likely be sporadic.
47 comments:
It is interesting to note how her distress seems much milder than hoarders.
No,No,No! It is a serious serious problem.I can't tell you how many times I have thrown something away and then needed it the next day. Nor would you believe how thoughts of throwing my things away consume hours and hours of my life. Is it because both my parents were hoarders? Am I doomed to live this way? I hate presents. I hate books too. I hate "stuff". Yikes!
Anonymous, I'm very sorry if anything I or a commenter wrote indicated your situation is not a serious one.
You raise some good questions - but not ones I feel competent to answer. I hope you can find someone to consult with who specializes in working with people in your situation.
Some people think that happiness will come with lots of stuff. Apparently some think it is the absence of stuff that will do the trick. Clearly both are unhappy in their present circumstance and I doubt that their conclusions are accurate in either case. Having or not having is the wrong reference point upon which to hang your happiness. Try basing it on something else, something you can actually attain to.That's my two cents.
I have this same problem and it started after numerous layoffs caused to start selling my things and then my husbands serious car accident cause me to rethink how much I care about my stuff. My current thinking: I don't care about any of it anymore. Even precious mementos given to me by my grandmother no longer hold the same value. I am obsessed with getting rid of my things and I think about it all the time. Sometimes I think about boxing it all up, including expensive collectibles and dropping them off at the Salvation Army. My mother would be very upset if I did that, but I really don't care anymore. I am very close to living with almost nothing. I know that circumstances that have occurred in my life have caused me to think this way, but I am on this road and there is no going back at this point.
Anonymous, I'm so sorry to hear about all you've been through. I hope you're getting all the support you need to help you best deal with your situation.
Hello...Bless all of you who live with this strange purging behavior that I have lived with all of my life. It is fortunate that I have a very loving and understanding husband and great children. I have been known to clear out entire rooms in our home, clean the carpets in the rooms, wash the curtains, etc. and sit in the middle of the room for long periods of time and fairly often, feeling tremendous relief that there was nothing in the room. I am thrilled beyond belief when I can load up the car with things for Goodwill...One time we moved and, during the organizing time before the actual move, I wouldn't let anyone leave the house without taking something with them...This is not a "cleaning" thing, although I do like things clean. It has something to do with a need for a clean slate, over and over again. Here's hoping that we can all get the help that we need to make life quite a bit more pleasant....P.S. I, too, have daydreamed about being able to put everything that I own into one suitcase and joyfully going off into the sunset...Blessings to all of you...Janie
Janie, thank you for sharing - and best wishes to you and your family.
Hi Janie. I seem to have this problem also and it does consume much of my day. In addition to feeling the need for a "clean slate" as you do, I also obsess over getting something and then once I get it, all my thoughts are on getting rid of it. I just got myself a car stereo (after being without one for over a year). As soon as I installed it, I fantasized about putting it neatly back into its box and throwing it away. It's starting to bother me.
I'm a professional organizer and believe this is a form of OCD. My sister has had OCD tendencies her whole life and being obsessive about purging her things is one of them. She can't stand to have anything in her home she isn't using or anything lying around, even for a short time. She is obsessively neat and it drives her crazy if things aren't perfect in her environment at all times. She's told me she dreams about living in a tiny place with only the most basic of things. I've joked with her that she could never be a professional organizer or it would drive her up a wall. Being organized and neat is a good thing, but even good things can be carried too far. An excellent book I would recommend reading is "Shadow Syndromes" by John Ratley, MD. and Catherine Johnson, Ph.D. The subtitle is "Identify the hidden time bombs in your personality - mild forms of major mental disorders that sabotage us." This has been helpful in working with clients who have various levels of disorders that affect their ability to be organized. Hope this is helpful to all!
Terri, thanks so much for your comments. I've also read Shadow Syndromes, and was very impressed.
I'm so thankful to have found this page! I am a compulsive "purger" and for me, it comes from the trauma of having to clean out for hoarding, cluttery relatives after their passing. I will do whatever it takes to not leave that problem to my children.
Also, it is a control issue. I really don't like to clean, so if the tabletops are empty and there isn't a lot to have to work around, cleaning goes faster and takes less time. Plus, I never have to leave guests on the front porch--the house may not be pristine, but it is always presentable.
Do you ever watch Clean House? The host is fond of saying, "The hand that is open to give is open to receive." If I let go of something, and it blesses someone else who may be in need, that's just good karma.
Anonymous, I'm sorry you had to deal with the difficult situation of clearing up after those relatives. I know many of my clients who've gone through somewhat similar situations say the same thing: I'll never do that to my kids/family. (Although they don't all become compulsive purgers.)n
And I love your last sentence: "If I let go of something, and it blesses someone else who may be in need, that's just good karma."
I think many of us share that view. It's one reason that Freecycle flourishes.
Hello Again...:-) I'm one of the "Opposite of Hoarding" people...I have realized that there are many of us in this wonderful world in which we live...This "oddity" is more common than one might think...It's just nice to know that I'm not alone in my behavior...I am "preparing" for winter in our little cabin in the Rocky Mountains...Our place is 768 sq. ft. and I LOVE it!...The smaller, the better...I don't have to "think" about too many cabinets, drawers, etc. Well, Blessings to you ALL...Janie
I am so glad I found all of you, wow. Since 1992, after having my third and fourth children (twins) I want to get rid of all my material possessions, I am happy with my obsession, though. I suffer much, because we are 6 people in our house and I am the only one that wants to get rid of everything. Please send me ideas of how to get rid of more, without my husband or children noticing, I'm already known for this, so is kind of hard to hide... seriously.
Throw everything away, well, almost everything. Live only with the basic things in life. Don't visit the malls, you don't ever have to. The difference between wants and needs are clear. Needs are things you can't go a day without them. Wants are things you CAN go a day without them. Listerine is a need, because you save on the dentist. A shirt is a want, because you have other shirts in the closet. Shoes are a need, if the ones you have hurt your feet. Shoes are a WANT if you buy them for the only reason that they are cute or in style.
I thank all of you who have commented here for sharing your stories, and educating me.
I wish I could provide some help for those of you who are experiencing serious problems because of the compulsion to toss things out - but this is really way beyond my area of expertise.
I too have this issue as well as the basic O.C.D. I believe mine may have its root in my childhood where I was told I was adopted and continuously told that my real parents would be coming to get me one day. I need to feel I can leave everything and just GO! I try not to surround myself with items that I might get attached to and if I do, I get rid of them. Everything needs to be disposible and functional. I buy most of my clothing etc.. at thrift stores so it's easier to get rid of it. I have watched programmes on Hoarding and the anxiety it creates makes me fill a garbage bag full of stuff and purge! Hoarders and Spartanists.... two ends of the same spectrum. Good luck to you all!!
I know this condition has a name, but cannot remember what it is called. I saw on TV once where a husband came home and his wife had given away all the living room furniture and another time, she had cleaned out the pantry and given all the food away. Whatever, the reason, it just feels GOOD to clean out and get rid of. I have said I would have been a great pioneer who had only a table and one candle to put on it. I dream of what I can get rid of, but don't the cooperation I would like from my husband. I think if I were a hoarder, there would be more understanding.
I think it is a control issue too. I have the same problem, maybe not to the extreme; I didn't know other people have this problem too! Christmastime is very stressful and I really hate getting gifts from people.
Today I went to Target and saw Christmas ornaments @ 50% off, I picked a few items and walked around the store and realized how stupid everything was, I placed everything back and thanked the Lord I didn't buy it, because I knew for sure I was going to get rid of it next month if not next week. Keep hating things...
My Husbnd has this DisOrder, and I do think it's as much a controll issue as it is a clutter reducing issue. I think he just feels so much better after throwing things out. I use to think he would make such a good trash man, but I think he gets a thrill out of throwing out usefull things as well. Anything He's not using at the moment is subject to being thrown out, my kids toys(peddle cars, inline skates, skateboards, bikes,ect.)Anything that hasn't been used recently is subject to be thrown out. And it kills me because these are things they don't use every day,but they certainly do still use them. He built a shed with the soul purpose of storing stuff and then continues to throw it out one by one(a 100 yr old childrens desk I bought for my son,a claw footed side table he got from his mom(an antique)an all wood coffee table w/a rising top to eat at while watching T.V.(he claims it was too big & the babies might bang their head on it)always an excuse...Why.
Happy New Year! God willing this year 2010 I will get rid of many things that bother me, I mean (clutter things), like...I am getting sick of my drinking glasses (4 are enough for 5 people, period), 4 towels, 2 eye shadows, 3 lipsticks, one gold pair of earrings, (don't own jewelry), if my children buy a shirt I get rid of two. I am not apologetic about my passion, I don't call it OCD, I call it a blessing. Some people drink to forget their problems, I get rid of things to forget mine. No excuses, no exemption, everything goes at their proper time.
I have had this crazy purging obbsesion ever since i started smoking, i have no idea why i do it? i have gotton rid of so many valuable things and things that hold many memorys. if i could i would get rid of everything that didnt have to do with clothing and getting ready. all i really have is clothes, shoes, a few fashon accesories and stuff to get ready with. (im a teenager). it has become so bad that id look foward to comeing home and getting rid of stuff.
i like things to be plain and simple. like if i had to move out of my house today id just bring all my clothes and thats like it, and of course the beauty and health products i nee
anyways im glad i found this page because ive been freakin out thinkin im the only one with this thing?! haha well at least im not!
You are not going to believe this new problem I have. Since three days ago I've been thinking that throwing everything away is bringing sorrow to my life and stress. My organized life (or wannabe organized life) is a curse to me. From now on I will create chaos in my house, I therefore will buy things to decorate, even where decoration is not needed, I will make my husband and children happy even though I may be dying inside. I will buy buy and buy whatever I can afford. I will become a hoarder of pretty decorative stuff, not the kind you see on tv (the dirty people kind), I don't call them hoarders, I call them dirty people with a mental illness. One thing is trying to clean a dirty house and not succeed and another is living in a dirty house that you just won't clean, cause you are lazy or forgive me if you are depressed, than please seek help for your own good and the good of others. The program HOARDERS is unneeded and disgusting and it doesn't teach anybody a thing. Let there be a program for the opposite of hoarders like us, and and let there be a psychologist there to help us with our problem, because we have a rare kind of disease, even though it is a nice disease, sometimes is not when we are hurting those living with us. May I say no more.
I'm also very happy to have found this!!! I have always been very organized, even as a child. For me that grew into OCD. It's all about feeling in control. It's a fresh start. A need for perfection. It is also very calming and relaxing we may not have control over every aspect of our lives,(even if we try). But I feel strongly about taking care of the things we own, they last longer and it costs less to keep items we love. Don't buy just to buy, stop and ask yourself do I love it. Do I have a place for it. Does it match what I own. Will it last the test of time. I think overall OCS is a good thing afterall everything should be in it's place and there should be a place for everything. Presentation is key!!! It's true if your hand is out to give it's also out to recieve!!! Also I get so much joy from watching hoarders and purging things I no longer use. I don't feel bad about it either!!!
Just curious I have this need to purge things too! I was bulimic stopped and replaced it with this. Anybody else?
I seem to struggle weekly with BOTH these problems! My mother was, and IS a hoarder. Every year my aunt would ask us to go through our stuff and give anything we didn't like, or couldn't wear to Good Will. Every year I would fill a box. Many times with the same items I had tried to give away the year before, and every year my mother would make me keep everything in the box, even though it didn't fit and I would rather have been dead than wear it. I moved out and found myself having anxiety attacks at the thought of getting rid of anything. Then My apartment caught fire because of the fire hazard of all that stuff. Now I have huge anxiety attacks about keeping too much stuff, so I purge my house regularly. and anxiety attacks almost as big about NOT keeping it, and I end up organizing endlessly and keeping things I'll never use and throwing out stuff I used just last week. What would I be called?
I've been wandering through old posts, looking for words of wisdom to help me allow myself to reduce the amount of craft supplies I have.
This might sound strange, but are those who feel they must clear out items often (even things they love or still use on occasion) really the opposite of what we consider hoarders? Aren't the purgers hoarding open space and empty areas?
Hello Again...:-) It is comforting to read all of your stories...I am 62 years old and have given more stuff away than I can imagine in my wildest dreams...I never really thought of it as a "control" issue, but I'm sure that it is after reading some of your entries. For me, the fewer material items around me, the less time I have to take to "look over", "organize" and "control" my environment. I also know that chaos on the outside of "me" brings on a tremendous amount of chaos on the inside of "me". I have a wonderful husband and lovely children who accept the way I am. I wish that for all of you...As far as I know, my "problem" causes no harm to anyone. We all have "something"...In the long run I don't feel that this condition hinders my life...It's Springtime and I'm really antsy to purge...Bless you all...Janie
Thanks for your stories, my 25 year old daughter who has a mild form of autism also has the same issue. She used to be a hoarder and keep count of every piece of paper and toy that she had. We finally helped her stop hoarding when we told her she could count the items as she threw them out. This helped for many years but lately she oscillates between possessing and purging. She will buy a lot of stuff but then throw it all away within a week. To me it seems she is trying to battle her hoarding tendencies by purging. She throws away food, storage containers, grad pictures and things that are significant to her. So for her I think it is also a control issue and trying to find the balance between having possessions and being controlled by her possessions. We call it materialistic bulimia.
Dennis
I am sorry for those who feel that purging is a problem. Think of the benefits. Lower mortgage payments because you can have a smaller home. More rapid mobility because you need not pay thousands of dollars to move. More space to see the things that really mean something to you because they are not covered in other stuff--not garbage, but just stuff. My wife and I are middle of the road, but we are cutting back on the stuff in the house. I love my library, but on the weekend I looked at it and thought, gee, I have had some of these books for 20 years and never opened the cover. So why keep them? Out they went. I loked in our cupboards and we have pots, pans, and other utensils. However, we are microwavers. We never pull out a recipe book. So out they are going. I plan to open up a lot of space in our home and put in more exercise equipment, which is something I use for an hour or two a day. We are not hoarders, but upon seeing the show "Hoarders" I really stopped and looked at the stuff we do have and asked, why do I have this and do I really need or want it? We have always been people who discard stuff and our garage is almost empty. However, emptying more is very liberating. We are financially secure and I really have no stress, but there really is a lot to be said for, "you can't take it with you." There are more important things in life than things--country, family and the values in our own selves are much more important. Don't get wrapped up in concern about purging yourself of things . . . if you find you need it, buy another one. I am not going to get all tied up in the small stuff.
Anonymous of July 19: It sounds like you are doing the type of letting go that almost everyone could benefit from - releasing those books, understanding how you cook and getting rid of the utensils that you don't use. Congratulations on making these good choices!
Hi Again...I, too, think that there are benefits to "clearing out", "letting go", "purging"...whatever you want to call it...We have had to, on various occasions, clear things out for those who have passed on in the family...Some friends, also...Although we can't spend our lives wondering "Who is going to have to go through all of this junk when I'm gone?", we don't want our kids, relatives, and/or friends to deal with way too much "stuff" and "things"..."Way to Go" for everyone who loves to see someone else make use of the items we get rid of...Have a great day!...Janie
This is SO weird and interesting to find a site that is talking about this. Recently, I have been purging our home of things, and I find it VERY liberating! People know my husband and I as minimalists. And, as some person wrote on this site, it has many benefits. I am of the mindset, that if you don't need something, even if it is of value, give it to someone who really needs it and can make good use out of it and enjoy it themselves. Recently, my hubby and I were able to bless another family who was in need of a vehicle. We have a van and a car. We still have the van, and this other family now is using our car. What a blessing!
Why hold on to THINGS? We are in such a materialistic world that makes us feel like we need to hold on. People are SO diverse in their thinking regarding purging and hoarding because of their thinking. Everything is affected by our thinking. So, my thinking is that material things are temporary. My value is placed on eternal things, those things that really, truly matter. And, when we all die, we will not be able to bring ANY THING with us. I will say that we should be wise in what we get rid of. The car situation, for example...We were in a situation that we could get rid of a vehicle and still have transportation ourselves. We are not in need. The Lord has taken care of all of our needs.
I had a friend that was a purger. It always seemed to me that he lived like a monk... as if he had taken a vow.
He never had more than a wallet in his pockets. His living space... home... bedroom... garage{most men have a garage full of tools even if they use them once every 20 years). He even threw away mementos and photos.
I think he was dealing with depression. His wife had left him, and she had ruined him financially.
Hello Again...
It's been awhile but I wanted to update everyone...Over the past year we have been giving away and selling our unwanted stuff. We are now down to just the items that serve a purpose within our home. It is a wonderful feeling to look around your home and only see items you use. We have a 2 bedroom condo that everyone says, "looks like a show home" people think everything must be new because it matches perfect...it's not, it just looks new because there is a place for everything, and everything is in it's place. It's perfect, we dont want for a thing...even though we have very little. We have stopped buying things. We now choose to spend our money on experiences not stuff. The best part is we've never been more happy or felt so free!!! By the way we were minimalists to start with...so I think it proves even a small amount of stuff can weigh you down and effect your quality of life:)
Hi, it seems that there's mixed feelings towards excessively throwing things away. I'm a Trainee Clinical Psychologist based in London and I'm thinking of writing my PhD thesis on this topic. Would anyone would be interested in participating in an interview with me about their difficulties? The aim would be to identify patterns in why people might be throwing valuable items away, with an ultimate aim of informing treatment for people who wish to stop discarding. Unfortunately I would not be able to pay people for their time.
At this stage this is just an enquiry; I would need at least 8 volunteers living within the UK to make this research study possible. If you would be interested, please email me within the next two months at compulsivediscarding@yahoo.com.
Thanks.
Is this a real syndrome (OCS)? I ask because I've been married almost 10 years to someone I'm ready to kill because of his obsession with getting rid of things - he's gone through most of his and has started in on mine and the kids'. Before you think we all must be compulsive hoarders I've had people visit and comment on how lovely and well-organized our house is for having the number of small children we do. My in-laws were compulsive hoarders though. No amount of saying "I'm not them" will help! Ready to put him on the lawn...
Even without a label, this is a real problem when it adversely affects personal relationships.
The responders to the initial post appear to fit loosely into two categories: purging is either a blessing or a curse.
It seems to be a blessing when it only affects those not in a relationship or those in a relationship with someone who is a "minimalist" as well.
I fall into the category where it's a curse. What started as a nuisance when we were first married (a favorite coat of mine given away here or a favorite book given away there) has accelerated in recent years with the addition of kids.
Compulsive purging is clearly a disorder that requires treatment when it adversely affects others.
Thanks for all of the comments, I see so many similarities and explanations that fit my situation.
If you own anything, make sure it does not own you. That is the general sentiment that drives me to purge. Every thing I have that does not serve me requires or will require some attention from me in the future. Live simply.
Hi... It's been a year since I don't post, I feel like you guys are my family. Blessings to all of you. Well, I still feel like I want to throw away almost everything, like I said before, since 1992 and my twins were born. Right now I am throwing away my sweet sixteen pictures, I am now 49 years old, so why should I keep them, weeeird! Today I threw away a bunch of things that I bought about a month ago, ornaments for the living room. What was I thinking!!! It started bothering me like a week ago, and it was so funny, because everything that I threw away nicely by the garbage (apartment living) was picked up by this lady that was so happy as if she won the lottery. I guess it's true: some people's garbage are some people's treasures. Don't buy, bye.
I need to give away things that are important to me, including money. For example, my Mom sent me my 30-year-old favorite childhood doll, and now I am thinking of who to give it away to. I also give away money to anyone who asks. I have gotten into debt because of giving away money. In the last decade, I gave away $80,000 (no, I'm not exaggerating). For the past 2 years, I have forced myself to not give away money and not to offer to give away money. However, I think I'm only successful because no one has directly asked me for anything but small amounts lately.
If a friend talks about wanting something, I think about how I could buy it for them. I wouldn't spend $1000 bucks on, say, a stereo system for myself, but if a friend talks about wanting a stereo system, I instantly want to buy it for them.
I agree that compulsive purging is a good type of problem to have, for all the reasons people have mentioned. But this business of giving away prized possessions and money really doesn't feel great.
I have a compulsion to throw things out multiple times every day. I do not keep household / kitchen garbage at all. Every wrapper, food scrap or junk mail that comes into my house goes into a bag and I begin to get anxious as soon as it's there. Every time I leave my house I take garbage with me (e.g., I drop small bags at the outdoor garbage bins by the malls, large bags at the big green garbage bins in our park, and huge or heavy bags at various neighborhood dumpsters). Sometimes I have to hide the fact that I am dumping into dumpsters because they are privately owned. My boyfriend has a dumpster at his apartment and every time I go there I load up my SUV with giant bags of stuff and even unwanted furniture or bedding, etc. I LOVE tossing stuff. I do not keep any garbage in my garage or under my sink or anywhere in the house (not even a scrap of paper). In fact I don't even own a curbside garbage can for my house because nothing would wait around long enough to get into one. It is thrown out long before garbage day. On the rare occasion something is still around on garbage day I get very annoyed with myself for having it... and I just put it out in a plastic bag. I do not recycle because to me it's too much work... I just toss everything together in one bag and presto... it's gone to a garbage bin somewhere. I love the feeling of emptiness. I go out with the car to throw things out about five times a day. When I buy anything I have to take off the packaging and get rid of it, usually before I bring the item in the house. In terms of actual "belongings" I also love to purge these. I have fantasies of taking the roof off my house and shaking it, upside down, to clean out as much stuff as possible. I am not a "neat freak" per se. The stuff I do have / keep is often just as disorganized as most people.... this isn't about being neat or orderly. It is just that I love throwing stuff away and knowing it is just "GONE"... with no more reason to think about it, clean it, organize it, lose it or find it ever again. I am a teacher and I get little coffee mugs and knick knacks all the time from my students. I give them away before I leave the premises of my school. I don't know how this started. I do have / keep a reasonable amount of personal belongings like most people... but I am relentless about purging and ditching anything useless or unwanted, which tends to be a lot. I have a love of giant garbage bags... I get a thrill just tossing as much as possible. I think it is about decluttering and feeling my life is less stressful with less to think about. I am not so much into wanting to "donate" my stuff. When I donate I can picture that the stuff still exists somewhere and that seems heavy. I would rather picture it just GONE. I love to have the stuff vanish, in a garbage dumpster, period. Forever. It feels so liberating.
Last post, I just read everything you wrote, it is very interesting, I am just like you, I feel like throwing away almost everything, my husband lives in fear that I don't get rid of his important documents, if I don't have anything to throw away I go crazy, then I start thinking weird stuff, like I would think of something like a good pot or a nice blouse, panties, whatever, I don't even like to have a single thing under the sink, today my 18 year old daughter decided to put her junk under my bathroom sink and I almost cried. I feel hopeless sometimes, because I live with 4 other people in my three bedroom apartment, I love my kids {4} of them and my husband very much, but I wish I could live in a very tiny apartment alone with my husband, so I don't have to keep so much junk, I feel guilty wanting my three children at home to get their own place and leave, but it is what it is. I hope I didn't bored you.rinterm
Hi Last Post (Aug 12).,
You poor thing about the bathroom sink. That would drive me insane if I got a space empty and someone tried to fill it up again. I am getting ready to go dump some food garbage / wrappers this morning. I have to find a park with a big bin because I don't have time to go to a dumpster. Pizza boxes are the worst, so annoying.... or the big soda bottles. I also hate when you buy clothes or panties and there are those stupid tags all over them with the white plastic thread holding them on. eeeek! Anyway just to let you know I sympathize. I am throwing away my dining room table and a china cabinet tomorrow because I don't use it, so it is going to the curb. I actually tried to donate them to a women's shelter etc., but no one wanted them so presto they will just vanish at the curb.
Hang in there.
I wonder if it's an identity issue? I have OCD, and I also give away stuff that I don't need but that "should" be kept (varsity letters from high school, jewelry, photos). Maybe we all feel like our items help define us, and we're not sure what these items say about us, so we get rid of them. Also, maybe we feel they define a negative trait, so we feel that giving it away is wiping away the bad things we have done in the past...
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